For the Doctor's Records
by Clint Smith
聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 After Nicole Sealey
My father has chronic kidney disease.
He has had two transplants thanks to
two people who were generous in
ways I鈥檓 worried I am not. My mother
has a nerve in her neck that doesn鈥檛 let
her sleep through the night. My mother鈥檚
mother died of blood clots. My father鈥檚
father died with Alzheimer鈥檚 casting a
shadow over everything inside of him.
My wife had complications while she was
pregnant with both my son & daughter.
Both arrived early & I held my breath
until each of them released their first.
My wife鈥檚 mother escaped a war & lived
to tell us how the memory is still a soft
decrescendo in her hands. I enjoy
fried foods. I eat too much salt. I worry
about having more than one drink.
I鈥檝e seen people in my family become
consumed by things they didn鈥檛 know
could kill them. My knees hurt some days.
I feel my bones ache when it rains like
the old folks used to say. I don鈥檛 know
what is in my body & what is in my head.
I want to take pain medicine but I鈥檓 afraid
of what I can鈥檛 control. My chest gets tight
when I lie to people I love. My mother鈥檚
sister had breast cancer. My mother鈥檚 brother
let alcohol become his silence. I remain
astonished by how cicadas live for seventeen
years underground & then die within weeks
of coming up to meet the world.
Clint Smith is a doctoral candidate at Harvard University and has received聽fellowships from Cave Canem, the Art for Justice Fund, the Callaloo Creative聽Writing Workshop, and the National Science Foundation. He is a 2014 National聽Poetry Slam champion and a recipient of the 2017 Jerome J. Shestack Prize from聽The American Poetry Review. His work has appeared in The New Yorker, 罢丑别听础迟濒补苍迟颈肠, The Paris Review, The New Republic, and numerous other publications.聽Smith is the author of Counting Descent (2016), which won the 2017 Literary聽Award for best poetry book from the Black Caucus of the American Library聽Association and was a finalist for an NAACP Image Award. He was born and聽raised in New Orleans.